Being in a Rut

It's almost been two years since I graduated from Ithaca college. And I feel like all I have done since is work. When I graduated, I had several months to find a job that could pay my bills. I tried to get something in my field of Television and Radio, sending my resume to various companies in the Rochester and Syracuse areas.

I didn't get a job.

It hurt. I graduated with good grades, and I am a hard worker. I still needed a job. So I went on to try getting a job at McKenzie Child's, and to Adecco. Well, I succeeded in getting a job at Tessy Plastics. Sure, the job's not bad. The people are nice. But it wasn't what I went to college for.

Oh yeah, while I was in college I spent every weekend and one day a week working at Tops Markets, in their gas station. Then, I continued working at Tops for almost a year after I started at Tessy Plastics. I was working 60-80 hours a week, so I could afford to pay my $1,000 dollar college loan bills every month. Yeah, $1,000 bucks.

When I started going to Ithaca, I had several writing projects, ideas, stories, and such. My friend Joe and I were working on a novel called Wild Frontier: The Barghest Campaign. We wrote close to 80 or so pages in Word. But as my work load increased, I had less time to write.

It didn't become easier after I graduated. It actually became harder. I tried to work on some of my stories, but eventually, I could spend an hour just to write a single paragraph. I got writer's block. My mind still came up with stories and ideas, but I just couldn't write them. I started making excuses on why I couldn't write.

I felt drained. I just didn't want to do anything. My energy was sucked dry.

Back in December, I quit my job at Tops. But even with that, I felt I just couldn't do much. After I got my laptop (thanks to Tessy's Profit Sharing checks every quarter. Hey, even if I pay a lot, I've got to treat myself to something nice every once in a while) I tried to write.

It just wouldn't happen. I still didn't feel it. Now, four months later, I'm beginning to feel new energy and determination. I want to write. I want to be freed from my struggles. And I want to do it MY WAY.

I'm working on a movie script I call 'A God's Beast'. I'm going to start working on Lands of Chaos again. And I've been talking with my best bud, Josh D, about getting back to work on an old project that we dubbed 'Bananarama'. Mix Vegetales with 80's action movies.

I want to do this. I need to do this.

Part of my strategy to break myself out of this rut has been this blog. By writing various articles on topics that matter to me, I feel the energy as I express what is going on in my mind. I am expelling it into the universe, and I am sharing it with everyone who reads my blog. And so, I will keep on keeping on, because I need to enact the change in my life, not wait till something comes and changes it for me.

So, thanks for believing in me. I'm not going to stop. This time I will work my way to the top.